Adventures of Dog Walking

Yesterday, on our daily walk, Fanny decided to attack the neighbors dog. She took off at a sprint, plowing into our neighbor's black lab, and the rolled and wrestled in the dirt. Little Ocha took off as back up. I took off with Ethel's leash in my hand, screaming and giving my best man-voice, NO!Of course, none of the dogs know their names, so I did the second trick I have in my bag, which is to take off running when I want them to stop doing what they're doing. So I took off running, Ethel in hand, Lucy (we re-named Alice, Lucy, short for Lucifer) going nuts beside me, and finally Fanny and Ocha stopped attacking and took off to chase me. I scolded them, they continued ignoring me. So we walk around the creek, up the big hill, the same route we normally do. This day, I was feeling good so we hiked up the hill, then back down, then up again. I wanted to make sure the neighbor's dog had a chance to get the hell away before we came back around, not to mention I wanted to ware their asses out.

I look back down the hill where we are headed and notice 2 calves on the trail, and two big cows high up on the hill. I was a fool to have thought for a minute that maybe the dogs would be chill and just politely go around the calves. HA! Once they spotted the cute baby cows, my dogs took off sprinting after them, and then the frightened calves took off running down the trail. From below, I looked up to see two huge, pissed-off cows take off PLOWING downhill through the rough terrain, going as fast as I've ever seen cows move, headed straight for me. I screamed, SHIIIIT, and took off sprinting the opposite direction, straight up hill to this old dirt road. Reluctant to find another route, I took off back towards where the dogs (and cows) had been.

I knew if I wanted control, I had to get Ethel, the oldest and the alpha female, back on a leash. Baffled, I thought, "fuck it," and decided I was going home and the dogs could find me when they felt like it. I jumped across the creek bed, back onto the main trail, and all the dogs were panting, and waiting for me. I put Ethel on the leash, and took off towards home. On the trail, I was mortified to see all the cows, plus an old man and a frustrated little boy walking the cows back in my direction. My dogs had chased them all the way down the street. I apologized to the old man, and to the little boy, and grabbed all my dogs in a huddle so they could walk past. I scolded them on the way home, totally mortified.

That doesn't compare to what happened to me tonight though. Took the dogs on the normal walk. On the way back down I hear what sounds like a soccer team or an army chanting, "uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis." I started daydreaming of how funny it would be if a whole army of good looking soccer players came running up the trail. But it's very normal to hear bands, music and noises in the mountains so I thought they must be over the hill somewhere.

I look downhill, and stopped in my tracks. Thirty to forty men with fake machine guns, sweats, and bullet proof vests were marching right where I needed to go. (Where the calves had been one day before.) I started laughing out loud thinking, are you kidding me?? They spotted me. A few of them turned around and waved. Ugggghhhh... I headed in their direction, got Fanny and Ethel back on a leash and sure enough, the group had stopped right on the trail, to do some training, some pushups, they were all yelling and shouting. I can just imagine a group of forty sweaty guys, and some random white girl in jeans and new balance sneakers with headphones and two dogs on a leash walks by. I could have been an alien at the way they were all staring; one man yelled, "pasale!" like, go ahead and pass. The dogs were FREAKED – I was freaked too. The sea of officers in training parted, and I walked through with my dogs. As they stared and made little comments, I murmured, "olah, como estan? olah, olah... buenas noches..." I kept my head down, face burning... Once past them, I took off running towards the house.

Ethel is on the floor, then on the couch from left to right is Ocha, Fanny and Lucy.Fanny, trying to look innocent.(FYI: This photo has not been altered. I caught Ocha in the middle of a yawn.)This was after getting lost on a new trail and getting into some mesquite.