Vallarta

Pretty sure I would recommend you try chewing off your own arm before visiting Puerto Vallarta. It would probably be more pleasant, and would take less time to heal from the wounds that are a product of it.

In fact, if you were thinking of visiting Vallarta, you might as well save your money and go to Panama City or Destin, Florida. Here you will find things to be exactly the same: Mediocre beach, trinkets made in China that will end up in a landfill, Cosco and lots of white people. More specifically, what Mexicans call, White Hairs.After arriving in Vallarta on the overnight bus, I realized I had somehow lost my favorite sleeping bag as well as my nalgene, was cramping like hell and had to take a bumpy public bus to the downtown centro, where I would need to spend the day waiting on Dan and Holly. I kept pinching myself on the bus, head tilted curiously, browsing all the white people walking on the sidewalks. Did I actually get slipped something and end up in Virgina Beach? We passed Walmart and Sams. Gulp. We passed about 8 McDonalds. Sigh. We passed Bed Bath and Beyond and Office Depot. Ugggh.

(I am recently fascinated with the interior of public buses in Mexico, maybe because I spend so much time in them. Doesn't HOTEL compliment Jesus nicely?)Jalisco, Mexico is the Tequila state. If it looks like tequila, and tastes like tequila, but is made outside of this state, you can't call it tequila. So it is also one of the wealthiest states.

Lucky for me, there is a tequila shop on nearly every corner giving out free shots. I couldn't think of anything better to do, and proceeded to get plowed before lunch. I started walking around, taking photos. I was hungry but wanted to find a local street vendor rather than one of the ghastly, tourist restaurants... So I walked further and further from downtown. I ran into a little vendor selling shrimp and fish seviche and my faith was restored in humanity. (For a moment.) I paid like $1.50, noting that you couldn't buy one avocado for that in the states.I wasn't upset at all, so I ate a popsicle after that, then more tequila shots, then I decided I should park it for a bit, and ordered even more food and a margarita and a couple mojitos at this bar/restaurant on the beach.I was so shocked to see a Mexican, that I had to take a photo. ;)
As the afternoon sulked by, it struck me suddenly that I hadn't seen Dan in a couple months, and it would be the first time I had met his wife, and what sort of impression was I going to make being plastered before 5 pm?! I went to our meeting place and starting drinking water.

They showed up right on time. His wife Holly was a beautiful, upbeat powerhouse. They two of them are into so many things – have multiple properties and projects. We all sat down with the architect that had a stack blueprints for the solar-powered campground they are constructing near their ranch in Mayto. After I got over feeling like a complete slacker (and started sobering up) it was fun to help translate with the Mexican architect.

After going over plans we headed out, stopping at a grocery store. Dan advised that I needed to stock up, because there wasn't much to choose from in Mayto. I didn't really know what to expect, so I bought a few staples like red wine, coffee and caramel suckers.

We headed south. The first hour was a super-windy but paved road. With what felt like a gallon of tequila in my belly I asked Dan if the whole trip would be of this condition.

He replied, Oh no, this is the good part.

The paved, windy road turned into a twisting, choppy "road/path/trail" that might be ideal for four-wheeling or jeeps. He explained that it was actually much better than before, and I nodded, clutching my door-handle and staring out into the night.

We arrived very late, around midnight. I could barely see anything and Dan introduced me to the two enormous dogs that walked up, Cuervo and Lulu, promising they would watch over me. The stars were brilliant, and I could hear waves booming, although I couldn't see them. He showed me into the pop-up camper which would be my new home. He also showed me where the bathrooms were located at the nearby guesthouse, Riconcito. Inside, I dropped my bags and laid down in the cozy camper, thankful for the soft bed and blankets, and dozed off wondering what to the next day would bring.